Fear or Excitement? How to Rewire Your Nervous System After Divorce

Why Learning the Difference Can Change Everything (And How to Start Today)

Hey ladies! It’s Erica from The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, and today I want to deep dive into a topic that’s been front and center in my own life lately: untangling the knot of fear and excitement—especially when you’re navigating the wild ride that is life after divorce. If you’re confused about why you feel anxious even when something good is on the horizon, or if your body seems to rebel when you try to dream big, you’re in the right place.

I recently had an “aha!” moment (thank you, car rides and my phone notes app!) about how our bodies and minds sometimes hijack our happiness. Let’s talk about how to spot this, reset your system, and take back the reins.

Why Fear and Excitement Feel So Similar

One of the trickiest parts about rebuilding your life post-divorce is the way trauma can blur the lines between what you SHOULD feel excited about... and what your mind convinces you is terrifying.

Maybe you’re hoping for a new job, a different home, or—dare I say—a fresh relationship. You want it so badly, but every time you move closer, your chest gets tight, your thoughts spiral, and suddenly you’re talking yourself out of wanting it. What’s up with that?

Here’s the deal: physiologically, fear and excitement send pretty much the same signals—racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach. After trauma (and let’s call divorce what it is: a major trauma), your brain starts to interpret those signals as DANGER, DANGER, even when you’re just excited about the possibility of something good.

The Post-Divorce Trauma Response

Let’s get real—divorce doesn’t just end a marriage. It shakes the foundation of how safe you feel about hoping for the future. After huge heartbreak, your nervous system wants to protect you at all costs, often by shutting down excitement and hope. When disappointment has cut deep before, your body goes on high alert to keep you “safe” from that pain ever again… even if it means you end up stuck in neutral, afraid to risk or dream.

What if I told you that “neutral” might be the most dangerous place of all? Because if you buy into the anxiety and stop reaching for joy, you miss out on the highest highs life has to offer.

My Go-To Tools for Resetting Your Mind & Body

So how do you untangle fear from excitement and get back your sense of hope? Here are my tried-and-tested tools (and yes, they really work—even if it seems a little woo-woo at first):

1. Call in a Sign.

• Ask the universe (or whatever you believe in) for a specific sign. For me, eagles were the magic symbol recently!
• Every time you see your sign, take it as a reminder: “It is safe to be excited.”
• Don’t overthink it: birds, songs, numbers, anything works if it speaks to you.

2. Use Your Breath.

• Your breath is the quickest way to activate your “rest and relax” mode.
• Try deep breaths: In through the nose, out through the mouth. Repeat until you feel the anxiety dial down.

3. Stay in the Present Moment.

• Fear grabs us because we live in past pain or future worry. The present is almost always safe.
• Break it into manageable time frames. Ask yourself: “Can I be present and okay for the next hour? The next day?”
• Use your five senses to ground yourself. Name five things you see, hear, smell, or feel right now.

4. Take a Sensory Reset.

• Go outside, feel the sun, walk barefoot, inhale a favorite scent (hello, essential oils!), listen to music—whatever soothes you and brings you back to now.
• Sing a Disney song if you have to. (No shame—I’ve belted out Little Mermaid more times than I can count!)

5. The 51% Rule

• You don’t have to be perfect or totally fearless. If you can spend 51% of your day feeling hope and excitement, the tide will start turning in your favor.
• Celebrate small wins and keep building momentum.

Moving Forward: Progress, Not Perfection

If your anxiety and fear keep crashing the party every time you try to hope for more, you’re not alone. The trick isn’t to banish fear, but to make space for excitement—even in baby steps.

When you catch yourself spiraling, remember: your mind and body are just trying to protect you with outdated information. Use your breath, your senses, and your courage to return to the present, claim what you want, and be gentle with yourself.

Healing is not a straight line. But with practice, you CAN retrain your nervous system and reclaim your right to dream.

Want to dive deeper into rewiring the fear in your life? 

I know how scary it can feel to stop listening to fear and start to take action so I created a little something to help you thought it.  The Other F Word is a 60 minute, free deep dive into learning why fear keeps you stuck and now to clear it out of your system. I will be hosting this training live so join me, bring your real life challenge and let’s work through this together. More details below.

The Club is here for you—check the show notes for our upcoming community launch! And remember, you’ve got this. Give yourself grace, celebrate those baby steps, and keep moving forward.

Go claim your joy!

Xoxo, Erica

The Club: A Divorce Community to Help you Get Clear, Get Grounded and Move Forward. 

Psst… Have you heard? There is a new online space for you to get the support and guidance you need on your divorce journey. The Club is your space to heal, grow and get clear on what you want - whether you are unhappily married or taking those first steps through divorce. The Club offers on-demand programs, monthly live connection calls and a quarterly curated healing kit. Everything The Club offers helps you get clear and get confident on what you want in your next chapter. 

Put your name on the VIP list to be the first invited to join. Space is limited, so grab your invite early. https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/theclubwaitlist

The Other F Word:

Struggling to decide what your next step is? Decision fatigue is a real thing and it is made 1000x worse when fear has its hold on your heart. If you find yourself in the place of knowing you need to make a change but unable to actually commit to it, join me for this FREE online webinar about what is holding you hostage from making a decision about your relationship—and more importantly, how to break free.

Grab your seat today and find your way forward. 

https://www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com/fear

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