The Energetics of Dating: Finding Happiness Within and Attracting the Right Partner After Divorce

Today's topic is one I know many of you have been eagerly waiting for: dating after divorce. On the recent episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, I had the pleasure of chatting with Shonda Howard, a dynamic dating coach who's had her fair share of romantic misadventures and emerged stronger and wiser. Together, we unraveled the intricacies of dating in today's world. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let's explore some key takeaways and strategies you can apply to your own journey.

The Fear of Being Alone

A common fear many women face post-divorce is the worry that they'll end up alone—a misconception that's often exacerbated by societal pressures. As Shonda humorously puts it, the fear of ending up with "ten cats" was quite real for her. She shared her journey from being in a long-term toxic relationship to finding herself single in New York City. This fear, however, is something we can overcome. The key is acknowledging it and using it as a stepping stone in our self-discovery journey.

Recognizing Patterns and Subconscious Beliefs

One crucial aspect we discussed was recognizing patterns in our dating lives. Have you ever wondered why you attract the same type of partner over and over? Shonda and I agreed that it often comes down to subconscious beliefs. Your past experiences shape these beliefs, and they continue to influence your current relationships. The first step is simply recognizing that a pattern exists, acknowledging its presence in your life. Once you’ve done that, consider that these recurring issues may reflect something within yourself that needs healing. Dive deep to discover what belief is driving this pattern and challenge it head-on.

Creating Change: Energetics and The See-Do-Get Principle

Our discussion brought us to the power of energetics in changing what we attract in life. This is where the "See-Do-Get" principle comes into play. Changing your perspective, altering your actions, and consequently shifting your outcomes form the core of this principle. Begin with a mindset shift by changing the way you see dating and relationships, and follow that up with adjusting your actions to align with your new mindset. Opening yourself up to different experiences can break old patterns and lead to positive changes in your romantic life.

Building Self-Validation

Developing self-validation is a game-changer. Before venturing out into the dating world, it's essential to learn how to fill your own cup first. Begin by identifying what gives you a sense of worthiness and security from within. Make peace with spending time alone and come to love your Friday nights, as this will help reinforce your self-sufficiency. Finally, shift your mindset from needing a partner to wanting one for the right reasons. This transition can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

The Power of Feeling Over Conditions

Many of us have been taught to make a "list" of what we want in a partner, focusing on tangible characteristics. Yet, for more meaningful connections, it's crucial to delve deeper. For every condition on your list, ask yourself why you want it and what feeling it will offer. Emphasize the emotions you want to experience in the relationship rather than specific traits, as this focus will guide you toward finding a genuine connection.

Final Thoughts and a Free Gift!

To all you wonderful women ready to embrace the dating scene, remember that it all starts with you. Create happiness and fulfillment within yourself before you seek it in someone else. If you're looking for more guidance, Shonda is offering a free training titled "How to Meet a Guy Who is Just That Into You." It's an invaluable resource to get you started on this journey.

Grab it here: https://shondahoward.lpages.co/matchmade-opt-in/

Empower yourselves, embrace your journey, and until next time, give yourself a little extra grace. You’ve got this!

Stay fabulous,
Erica

Learn More About This Week’s Guest: Shonda Howard

Shonda is a Dating coach and hypnotherapist that helps women over 30 find their soulmate - a partner who has their shit together and is ready for commitment! She came to this work first as a client in her late thirties, in NYC and desperate to not die alone with 10 cats. Once she learned that her subconscious program was the real problem causing her to attract all of those emotionally unavailable d-bags, she changed it and met her husband 6 months later! She believes that every woman deserves to have the relationship that makes them feel loved, safe, and truly happy - and that it’s possible no matter how old you are or how long you’ve been out of the dating world!

Connect with Shonda

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shondahowardlove/ 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shondahowardcoaching
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@shondahoward

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