S5 E1: Staying Civil During Divorce: Tools to Keep Your Cool with Erica Bennett

Navigating Divorce: How to Remain Civil and Maintain Your Peace

Hi friends, it’s Erica! Here we are, diving into Season 5 of "The Crazy Ex-Wives Club" and for today's solo episode I wanted to tackle one of the most frequently asked questions: How do you remain civil during a divorce?

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, filled with peaks of anger and valleys of despair. One minute you're fine, and the next, a triggering comment can throw you into a tailspin. So, how do you navigate these turbulent waters while striving to remain civil? 

Let's break it down.

The Importance of Civility

Remaining civil during a divorce isn't just about keeping the peace; it's also about maintaining your own sanity. Civility allows you to approach negotiations and conversations with a clear, logical mind. When emotions run high, your body naturally shifts into a fight-or-flight mode, making it nearly impossible to think rationally. By focusing on civility, you are more likely to engage in productive conversations rather than reactive arguments that only exacerbate the situation.

Start With the End in Mind

One key strategy I used during my own divorce was to start with the end in mind. Reflect on what your ultimate goal is. For me, it was ensuring that my son could see all parts of his family as "family," despite the divorce. By keeping this end goal in sight, I was able to guide my actions and reactions accordingly. This focus allowed me to remain civil, even when faced with difficult situations or triggering comments.

Understanding Your Triggers

Triggers really impact your ability to remain civil. Triggers are deeply rooted emotional responses that can derail any attempt at remaining civil. Identifying and understanding these triggers is crucial. Whenever you feel that wave of anger or frustration swelling up, take a moment to pause and reflect. What's causing this reaction? Is it an old wound from your past or something more recent?

Seeking help from a therapist, coach, or even utilizing self-help techniques like journaling can be incredibly beneficial. The goal is to heal those old wounds so they no longer control your present reactions.

Regaining Control

When you're triggered, your job is to stop, pause, and regain control before reacting. This can be challenging, but it's vital. Take a breath, step away if needed, and reflect on how best to respond in a way that aligns with your end goal. By doing this, you not only regain control over your emotions but also prevent the situation from escalating.

The Power of One

Believe it or not, one person has the power to change the dynamic of a relationship. By consistently showing up civil and respectful, you can influence your ex to start behaving similarly. It might not be immediate, and it certainly won’t be easy, but persistence often pays off.

Letting Go of Expectations

Sometimes, our biggest triggers come from unmet expectations. Like me, you might want an open, collaborative co-parenting relationship. But if your ex doesn't share this vision, continuing to push for it will only cause more friction. Learning to let go of certain expectations can be the key to achieving civility.

Want to learn more about these topics?

While we can't control how others behave, we can control ourselves. By setting clear goals, understanding our triggers, and regaining control over our reactions, we can navigate divorce with civility. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself grace and strive to move forward, one step at a time.

Until next week, be kind to yourself and focus on what you can control. See you then!

xoxo, erica 

Want to learn more about these topics?

Tune in and stream “Staying Civil During Divorce: Tools to Keep Your Cool with Erica Bennett’ on The Crazy Ex-WIves Club Podcast to explore each of these topics in depth and learn what you can do to create change now.  

Listen to our full Episode Here
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