S3, EP12 - Living a WELLthy™ Life with Dawn Dahlby
Mar 27, 2024
In the Season Three Season Finale of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, host Erica Bennett is joined by guest Dawn Dahlby delve into the pivotal relationship between personal values and financial health.
Dawn, a Wealth Wellness Expert, certified financial planner, behavioral financial advisor and bestselling author has spent her life helping people grow their wealth – and it is so much more than the number in your bank account.
The duo discusses how to integrate passions and values with financial planning, countering the scarcity mindset, and leveraging personal growth for financial success. Dawn provides a practical roadmap for financial independence with her six-step process and actionable steps.
Erica's candid reflections on her spending habits and post-divorce financial self-discovery offer relatable wisdom. Listen in for an enlightening session on achieving true wealth, freedom of choice, and finding joy beyond your bank balance. Join us at The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, where women's autonomy and prosperity take center stage.
Learn More About This Week’s Guest: Dawn Dahlby
As President and Founding Partner of Relevé Financial Group, Dawn has 20 years' experience as a CFP®, Behavioral Financial Advisor and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor, and has grown Relevé into a multi-million-dollar comprehensive advisory firm. Dawn’s specialized training combines her knowledge of human psychology with proven financial strategies, taking a ground-breaking, holistic approach when advising clients on how to manage their investment portfolios. Her expertise assesses the unique characteristics that drive each client's decision-making process and applies that knowledge to help them successfully achieve their financial goals. Dawn's engaging coaching style and results-oriented approach has led her to become a sought-after speaker at a wide range of professional seminars and corporate events. Her inclusion on the esteemed Forbes Finance Council marks another exceptional achievement in her impressive career.
Dawn Dahlby discusses the importance on how to build TOTAL WORTH by aligning wealth with ones’ purpose, values, and strengths to live a true abundant life. She will share her story on how she "fearfully" built a 7-figure income that was worth “nothing” until she found, aligned & began living out her true worth. After listening to Dawn speak, you will be empowered to earn what you are worth, understand how you are limiting yourself with your thoughts, and learn how to live with true financial security.
Dawn Dahlby is a Certified Financial Planner, the country’s first Behavioral Financial Advisor, the founder and president of the multi-million-dollar advisory firm Relevé Financial Group, author of Amazons #1 best-selling book “Live WELLthy™ and the creator of an education and financial planning platform. As a fiduciary with over 20 years of experience providing financial advice, she teaches people to save for tomorrow without having to sacrifice living today.
Get Dawn's Book - Live WELLthy™
Living a Wellthy ™ Life with Dawn Dahlby FULL TRANSCRIPTS
Erica Bennett [00:00:00]:
We so often get stuck in the focus that in order to thrive, we have to be making a certain amount of money. In order to say that we're winning at this game of life. We have to be able to keep up with everybody else. Is our house the same size? Do we have a new car? Are we doing all the things? But there is so much more to life than the money that's tied to a price tag. And it is such a valuable lesson that you get to learn through your divorce. I'm excited to share today's guest as we explore how to create a better, wealthy balance in your life. Welcome to The Crazy Ex-Wife's Club, a podcast dedicated to helping women navigate the emotional journey that is divorce. I'm your host, Erica.
Erica Bennett [00:00:46]:
And if you're trying to figure out life after the big D, welcome to the club. Whether you're contemplating divorce or dealing with the aftermath or any of the many phases in between, the club has got you covered. Each week you'll hear stories from women who have been in your shoes. This isn't about spilling tea on divorce details. This is about giving you the tools to take control of your own healing journey. Listen in weekly for advice, tips and tools to help you move through each stage of the process. Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club.
Erica Bennett [00:01:21]:
I'm your host, Erica, and today I have Dawn Dalby with me. Dawn is a certified financial planner and the author of a bestselling book, Live WELLthy ™. So welcome, Dawn. Super excited to have you today, Erica.
Dawn Dahlby [00:01:34]:
Not only am I excited, but I got my two little friends here, Mr. Prince and Milo, that are excited to be on your podcast, too. Thank you for having all three of us.
Erica Bennett [00:01:42]:
Yes, welcome to the club crew over there. I absolutely loved reading your book. So, you guys, not only is Donna financial planner, which I'm going to have her tell us a little bit about that in a second, but April of 23, she launched a fantastic book called Live WELLthy™. And it's, well, the right that there is this balance, this mindset shift that we're all craving. And I loved how the book was set up and how it walked us through. But before we get into the key learnings that I found from the book, tell us a little bit about your history in financial planning, kind of how you got in there. But also in the book, you talk about a couple of other certifications that make you really unique in what you're trying to do in the world of financial wellness.
Dawn Dahlby [00:02:29]:
Yes. Well, first of all, back when I was in 6th grade. I wanted to be a psychologist, so I love human behavior, I love the psychology around human beings. And so I thought that's the path I was going to go on. But through being raised by a mother who had a lot of anxiety around money and a father who didn't like to spend any money, it was very frugal, great parents, but it was just, I grew up in that environment where money was the limiting source. In order to figure out how money really worked and the abundance that we can have with money, I needed to figure out how to do money and how to be educated with money. I thought, I'm going to become a financial advisor because I want to have more money in my life. There's nothing wrong with wanting a lot of money, but how do you get to that level is you got to learn how money works.
Dawn Dahlby [00:03:16]:
I became this financial advisor at age 30, by the way. I started a little bit later in my career, and I realized that over two decades of helping people with the technical aspects, the advice that we give our clients about how money works and how to technically grow wealth, that every single one of my clients still suffered with this kind of, this negative relationship with money. And then I realized that it was about the behavior. All of us human beings, I believe, have this, like, well, we're still trying to arrive at enoughness. I don't even know if enoughness is a word, but it's a word in my vocabulary. We're either trying to become enough as human beings or trying to have enough. And no matter at any wealth level of my clients, even having multiple million dollars in their investment portfolios, I realized that they still struggled with this enoughness and how much. What was that number and what was that internal number for themselves and that external financial number? And I realized, gosh, you know what? There's more to financial planning than just the technical aspect.
Dawn Dahlby [00:04:29]:
I had to get this, what's called a behavioral financial certification. And I was the first one in the country because I just saw the need that our clients had around this behavior we have with money, because at the core of who I am is the psychologist, is the person that just wants everyone to live their version of their own full life and realize that money alone wasn't creating that for people, and people were still not being able to live their freaking life. And so it's like, okay, we need to figure this out. I got the certification. When I was able to advise clients from a behavioral perspective and from a certified financial planning, technical perspective. That's when the money magic happened.
Erica Bennett [00:05:13]:
Yeah, it's 100% true. It doesn't matter how much money you have, if your mindset is you still don't have enough, you will never feel like you have enough. And I catch myself on that all the time. As I'm growing, I'm hungry for growth. I'm looking forward to growing that number and the experiences in my life. I can get stuck in that same mindset of, oh, you're still not there. Oh, you still don't have it. I've got to check myself and be like, ‘hold on.’
Erica Bennett [00:05:38]:
Go through your list. Look at all the things you do have. Look at all the things that are taken care of. Look at how much abundance is everywhere to allow more to be able to come in.
Dawn Dahlby [00:05:47]:
Right. It's so interesting that you say that, Erica, because as a thought leader in the finance space, I've constantly struggled with that, too. And we all do. We always want more. And that's okay, because I believe, well, not believe, it's a fact that we are constantly evolving and growing and changing, becoming new human beings, starting over at age 50, it doesn't matter, right? We constantly grow and change. That's like life's 101. Like, there's nothing on this planet that doesn't continue to change. So it's okay for us to continue to want more and to continue to grow and continue, like, what's our new version of enough? I want to be clear with that.
Dawn Dahlby [00:06:26]:
That's not a bad thing because I even experienced it myself. But it's the why behind the growth. Is it to keep up with the neighbors or to keep up with your friends? Or to prove someone wrong that told you that you couldn't be successful, and you're trying to spend your entire life trying to just prove them wrong? Or think that once I reach a million dollars, or once I reach $5 million, then I've arrived. That's the wrong reason to think that you still want to have enough in your life. Understanding the why behind there and why you're chasing the more is super critical to really enjoying the journey of what you've already succeeded at and your future success that you're going to have moving forward. But we have to realize that we constantly do want more, and that's okay. And we constantly wanting more money is okay, too. It's just knowing the why behind it is super critically important to arriving at this enoughness.
Erica Bennett [00:07:26]:
Yeah. Otherwise you get stuck in, you want more, and you think the more is the thing that's going to make you happy. And so you do all the Amazon shopping and you buy the big purchases and you buy the new thing and then you get it and you're like, oh, it didn't fill me up the way that I thought because you're chasing an external high instead of figuring, know what is it that matters for you? So keep growing, keep aiming for more stuff, but get clear on the root desire of it.
Dawn Dahlby [00:07:54]:
Absolutely. And you know what? People always down talk and downplay materialistic things. It's okay to want things, too, because we all love things. Like, I love a nice car, I love a nice house. I love nice shoes, I love nice purses. I don't care about my clothes so much, but it's okay. But know that you can have that as long as you filled up your internal personal development, like your mindset and your emotions, and you're constantly growing your internal worth. And then when you do that, it's okay to have the stuff.
Dawn Dahlby [00:08:26]:
The stuff is not going to fill you up, but it's okay to like the stuff as long as it's within your spending plan and you can afford the thing that you're buying. That's the key thing, How much can I really afford and what can I really have? And all of those things, it's about the balance and the alignment.
Erica Bennett [00:08:41]:
Yeah. And that was a big shift for me when I got divorced. Right? You go from two salaries and a lot of families. You go to one and it gets a little rocky and you're trying to find this new footwork. And when I shifted into one salary, I was lucky enough that I was paying my mortgage. I knew that I could continue to pay it on my salary. That was stable, but it brought to life a lot of those core family beliefs around money, which you mentioned just a little bit ago. Being raised in a single income family was constantly like, how much can we save? And we're not struggling, but we're not buying everything new.
Erica Bennett [00:09:17]:
Or my mom likes to tell the story of how she didn't buy any new clothes for herself for five years or didn't buy a new family table because the money had to go somewhere else. That big shift in my personal life made me have to really look at those beliefs and figure out whether I actually believe them as well. Do I want to continue them, or am I ready to rewire them into something else?
Dawn Dahlby [00:09:39]:
Well, and all of us need to rewire because our thoughts and beliefs about money are formed by the time we're age six or right around that time. In those informative years. And so what's really critical is that we tend to live in the beliefs of our parents and think about where they got their beliefs from when they were a child.
Erica Bennett [00:10:00]:
Society in general. Look at how money has changed over history. And so, of course, those original family beliefs that get passed down have to be broken every single generation.
Dawn Dahlby [00:10:11]:
Yes. I remember, I have two daughters, they're 18 and 19. But when they were young, I knew that their belief about money was going to be formed earlier on. I was like, I got to be super critical about my behaviors and what I'm saying and my nonverbal actions around them because I don't want them to grow up with that same scarcity mindset that I had growing up. And so, to be full disclosure, it kind of backfired on me a little bit, because now they're like, whatever. We can spend money here and there. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Now I got to retrain them the other way.
Dawn Dahlby [00:10:43]:
But we learn from our parents. They learn from their parents, and it doesn't always serve us and us as parents, we try so hard to do the right things, and because we're trying so hard, we never do it 100% right. And we got to give ourselves a little grace with that. But knowing that this reconditioning, this reprogramming into our subconscious mind is a lifelong journey. If you're struggling, if you're listening or watching right now and you're struggling with this, know that I still struggle with it, too. I'm constantly having to rewire and get that anxiety out of my head and know that I'm in control of my thoughts, and I can't really control my emotions, but I can manage those emotions, and that's so important. When we go through constant growth, like we were talking about earlier, it's a lifelong learning and education and growth that we all are on this journey together.
Dawn Dahlby [00:11:31]:
And it doesn't just change overnight, but we all suffer with similar things. It's just that we all together know that we do have the power to change them, but they need to be conditioned on a day to day basis.
Erica Bennett [00:11:43]:
Yeah. And that was one of the sections that I really loved in the book. I mean, there were multiple chapters because you broke down each one at a time. The values, the beliefs, the passions, the purpose. Going through those practices in the book change how you spend money. Looking at something like having people sit down and define their values changes where they spend their money.
Erica Bennett [00:12:04]:
And that, to me, was really powerful in your book. Tell us a little bit more about how do they start that.
Dawn Dahlby [00:12:09]:
Well, we all need to save more money for her future, but I hear over and over and over again, especially from women entrepreneurs or women that are recently divorced, like, your community, right? They're like, oh, my gosh, I can't afford to even pay my bills. Now, Dawn, you're telling me I need to save my money. Like, I don't want to give up my today for tomorrow, because what if tomorrow doesn't come? I've heard everything right? What I've designed is that when I got my behavioral financial certification is that we realized that the core values in your money are so important. But I took it to another level, I recommend my clients to put together their top five core values and then create a spending plan. Never a budget but create a spending plan in alignment with those core values and where you're able to spend a certain percentage of your money on the things you value the most in your life. And when you do that and you have a bucket of money that you can spend. Like, if your core value is health and you value eating out, eating great food, or working out, go spend your quality dollars on that and then figure out what's not a core value to you. That's where we try to negotiate and try to minimize our spending, because that's where we're not getting a lot of value out of.
Dawn Dahlby [00:13:29]:
When I go through this exercise with my clients, not kidding, I find about 10% of their money that's coming in that it's just being wasted. Wasted on those non-core value expenditures. They're in subscriptions or they're doing stuff and they're not getting any value, but their money is going out the door to these things, and it's like, let's limit those, or let's negotiate the things that aren't values so you have this pot of money that you can spend your core values on. And so it's super, super important for us to not give up today, because if we truly, like, if I believe my version of living WELLthy™ is about living for today and also planning for tomorrow, I got to have the funds, especially if you're divorced and you're solo and you're on your own, you got to have the funds to enjoy life, too. Like, a lot of people have been through hell and back, right? And so it's like, gosh, don't take that away. From me. Don't make me go on a money diet, because I'm not going to do it.
Dawn Dahlby [00:14:26]:
But tell me how to minimize my spending. Tell me how to minimize my taxes so then I can still enjoy today and tomorrow at the same time.
Erica Bennett [00:14:38]:
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Erica Bennett [00:15:05]:
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Erica Bennett [00:15:45]:
I really hate when things get thrown out. I hate when people buy things and don't really use it. I know I don't like waste. That bothers me, but I got too stuck in, ‘ooh, it's on sale.’ It's a good value. I must buy it. And that was the value, but it was partnered with an emotional need of, I just need to feel better. And I filled up a four-bedroom house of Michael's sales on canvases and I'm someday going to start this Pinterest thing.
Erica Bennett [00:16:09]:
And it sat there forever. It created a lot of clutter. Being able to identify, like, ooh, I want to buy this thing right now because it's on sale and that's a good value, but do I need it? Do I want it? My question was always, do you want to spend this money here or do you want to save this money to spend it on a vacation? Because either way, I'm going to spend it. But do I want to spend $5 at Target or do I want to spend $5 in Hawaii or whatever it might be and that help me stop a lot of those little impulse purchases.
Dawn Dahlby [00:16:39]:
And you know what else it does is like, when you really honed in on the core values and what they mean to you and create a spending plan around them. It actually puts you in the driver's seat. Like, you're more empowered with money, you're more in control of money. And so it's really fun to say no to the thing that's on sale. And it's really fun to say yes to the thing that's not on sale, but you really want it. It's like, oh, it's not on sale, but that's what changes this mindset. And I'm like, you where I hate wasting, one of my strengths is maximizer, where I like to get a lot out of, like, I can get from A to B in the most efficient way possible. I hate wasting things. And I tell my daughters quit wasting stuff.
Dawn Dahlby [00:17:23]:
But that comes from our childhood. It comes from a scarcity mindset, because we feel like there's only so much and we can't wait if you really peel back that. So even though it's a strength of mine to be efficient with my time, I have to also be cognizant, again that training of the brain of what is the why behind the why behind the why. I'm doing this because even with money, I hate wasting money. I'm a wealth advisor. We don't want to waste any money. But it's like, you know what? We're human beings. We do waste, and so we have to be okay with that to a certain extent.
Dawn Dahlby [00:17:59]:
But is it driven from because there's only a limited amount of money? No, there's a limited amount of time. That's the only limitation we have on this planet, is our limitation with time, not necessarily money. We have to just be more resourceful with our thinking, with our emotions, with our behaviors. Like you said, it's empowering to go out and not have to buy something on sale. In fact, I would encourage everyone, if it's a core value of yours and it's not on sale, go buy it. Just go do the thing. But then you know that when you purchase that thing, that you're going to have to give up the other noise, the other Michael shopping, and the 15 canvases that you have underneath a bed that's collecting dust.
Dawn Dahlby [00:18:41]:
You can’t have both, but you can have what you really want. And then that's when you start to feel fulfilled. And whether it's a thing, it's a vacation, it’s an experience, it's a dog, it's love. We spend money on the things that we value the most, and that's important. But it doesn't necessarily have to be on sale.
Erica Bennett [00:18:59]:
Yes. I got to that point where I want to buy the pieces that I love, or I want to put my money in pieces that I love. Whether that's clothes or, like, I bought it didn't go so well, but I bought a blue velvet couch that unfortunately manufactured during COVID was not manufactured to the standards it should have. I'd spent all this money on a super expensive custom couch and fought for a year. You couldn't even sit on the cushions. You virtually fell to the floor. But the mindset of, I wanted to be able to invest in the things that when I walked in the room, they brought me joy. I don't need five couches.
Erica Bennett [00:19:32]:
I wanted one that I really loved, that was functional and was beautiful. But what got me to that ability was I started to look at my savings account as another bill. When I left college, I had three maxed out credit cards. I was grateful for the then-husband who made me pay it off. Once it got that whole rolling things into one thing, the savings to me became a bill because I could pay into it and watch it grow. And when it got to a certain amount, now I can go buy that beautiful thing that I love instead of looking at the big credit card bill and buying the cheapest thing on sale just to try and meet the need.
Dawn Dahlby [00:20:09]:
Yes. And there's an underlying Aha in what you just said. You relied on your husband to make you or force you to make sure you paid off those credit cards. Yes.
Erica Bennett [00:20:21]:
Somebody holding me accountable.
Dawn Dahlby [00:20:23]:
Right. And ladies, here's where I'm going to start getting really passionate. Have to take off my clothes because I'm going to get too hot, and I won't do that. I have a 52-year-old body. You don't want that to happen. But women, we have to empower ourselves. Right? Money isn't scary. We make it scary.
Dawn Dahlby [00:20:42]:
We rely on a guy or a significant other or a boyfriend or whoever to run that show for us. Know that when we run it ourselves, it's not that hard, you guys. It's not that difficult. We make it difficult because society has pretended like it's so complicated. It's really not that hard. So, empower yourself. Do not feel guilty. By the way, if you have three credit cards still, credit card debt is like the worst thing to have,
Dawn Dahlby [00:21:12]:
but that doesn't mean you need to feel guilty or shameful about having that debt. We just need to fix it, and it can be fixed. Everything's figureoutable. Everything's fixable. We just need to face it and realize that it's empowering when we do that. And even if you're not a money person, it's not that complicated.
Erica Bennett [00:21:31]:
Once you face it, then you change the behavior. Right.
Dawn Dahlby [00:21:34]:
We don't need guys. We don't need guys to help us do that. We don't need them. We need them in our lives for other things. If we need them, not everyone needs to get remarried again. Right? This is the ex. This is the divorce club, the women empowerment club. We can figure this out on our own.
Dawn Dahlby [00:21:52]:
And if you choose to be in another relationship, great, because I do think men provide us amazing things in life. Like, my husband and I are so opposite. And do we argue a lot? Sure. But does he offer me stuff that I need? Yes. That's why I married him. But I could also function on my own. And that's the beautiful thing, is understanding and filling yourself up so much with personal development and financial development that you can operate on your own. And when you're filled up, then you're able to be in that new relationship, if that comes to you.
Dawn Dahlby [00:22:23]:
And it's something that you want to pursue.
Erica Bennett [00:22:25]:
Yeah, absolutely. You're never tied into ‘I need this other person to be able to live the life that I want.’ That was a belief that I 100% had to rewire. And some days I still do. If you're starting a business, it would be so much easier, right. If I had a husband who had a salary that I knew that things were paid for. There are stories we create in our mind, but with that comes a lot of other things.
Erica Bennett [00:22:47]:
It feels so amazing to know that I am in control of my money. I have my processes down. I can look at how I want to invest. And it happened a little bit at a time, right? Like now I'm leaning more into, how do I want to work with investments. Right. My investment started first because it was part of my bonus. Here's stock in the company. Okay.
Erica Bennett [00:23:08]:
And it just sat there, somewhere, in a paperwork until I got to a place where I was like, oh, I'm ready to start to learn about this and to do something with it. And if you don't want to do anything with it, there are people you can hire. Right? Like, Dawn has a whole company. There are people that take care of it for you. But know that it's not this big thing to fear, but it does start with your mindset, your values, how you behave around money, and what you expect from money.
Dawn Dahlby [00:23:36]:
And just a little side note on that. I was at breakfast this morning with a woman that told me that her financial advisor was churning her accounts, which means he would put her in one annuity and say that annuity wasn't really good. So we need to go into this other annuity, because every time he was doing that, he was getting a big commission check. Most women out there that I've met, they don't want to deal with the investments and stuff. It's just something like maybe innate. We just don't even enjoy it.
Erica Bennett [00:24:06]:
Right?
Dawn Dahlby [00:24:06]:
It's not a value of ours. The money is a value. But learning about the investments and how money, all that kind of stuff is not necessarily how people want to spend their time. If you do look for someone to help you, I'm just going to be cautious on that you have to make sure you're working with someone called a fiduciary. That's a financial advisor. A fiduciary financial advisor, which means they have the oath to do what's in your best interest, not putting you in a product, so they earn a commission. And if you're working with a true fiduciary, then you know that you have that immediate trust with them where if you don't want to pay as much attention to your investments because it's not like a thing you like to spend your time on, then you can allow that relationship to develop.
Dawn Dahlby [00:24:53]:
But in the beginning, be very cautious. Because I've heard over and over and over again of why financial advisors like myself get bad raps is because they're taking advantage of other people, and that is not freaking cool at all.
Erica Bennett [00:25:05]:
Yeah, just like therapists. There are good ones and there's bad ones. Financial advisors, you got to find the one that's the right fit. Somebody that you trust, somebody that's going to work with you within the systems that you want, too. Because if they're asking for too much risk or this or that, you get to push back. You want to find the right fit for sure. Yeah.
Dawn Dahlby [00:25:24]:
Yes. And it's not complicated to push back.
Erica Bennett [00:25:28]:
You just got to stand in your power, ladies.
Dawn Dahlby [00:25:30]:
Absolutely.
Erica Bennett [00:25:31]:
We've talked about defining your value. We've talked a lot about rewiring those beliefs, just getting clear on your money beliefs. The book also talks about identifying your passions. This was really hard. This is a big gap for me because by the time I got divorced, I had lost a large part of myself. I had become who the relationship needed. I had become who I needed to be as a mom to a four-year-old little boy, and all of a sudden, I had all this free time, and they're like, well, what do you like to do? And I was like, I don't know anymore. Your book really talks about how do you find your passion again? How do you define it?
Dawn Dahlby [00:26:06]:
That's such a great question. And it's not just finding it for how you want to spend your time, but it's also about finding it on how you build your financial plan and how you spend your money. I remember when I used to go through the exercises of the passion, like, what are my passions? I would always ask myself, if I never had to make another dollar again in my life and I still wanted to be excited and wake up in the morning and how am I going to spend my day? What would I be doing? You can only go on so many vacations and sit on the beach so much, and you can only have fun, even though I love to have fun, but you can only have fun so much because if you have fun 24 hours a day, then it's not fun anymore. I figured out what would I really want to do? What I did is I took myself through a six-concept process to figure that out. And it was really about what I call owning your worth. And you've all heard about these concepts before separately, but the magic was in putting them all together. It's really understanding your vision.
Dawn Dahlby [00:27:12]:
On your deathbed, if you said, oh, gosh, I did X, Y, and Z, what would that look like for me in my life? Where are you headed to? And understanding that long term path. We all know where we're going on our vacations, right? I'm sitting here in Scottsdale, Arizona, right now. If I wanted to go to Hawaii, I knew that my vision was to go to Hawaii, so I knew what the end result was. And then I have to have goals then, like, goals to get there. Financial goals, booking flights, figuring know all of the things. Having that long term vision is important. Understanding the goals to get to that vision is super important. You also have to operate in your strengths.
Dawn Dahlby [00:27:56]:
I don't know if anyone, I know my top five strengths, like the back of my hand, and that's how I operate, earning an income. I'm passionate about living and breathing, not just Friday, Saturday, and Sundays, but usually Mondays. Not always Mondays. Like, we have a hard time living Mondays, too, right? But living our passion throughout the week, too. You got to understand what your strengths are, what are you really good at? And making sure you're earning an income in relationship to that. It's the vision. It's the goals to the vision. It's understanding your strengths, like operating an income from your strengths.
Dawn Dahlby [00:28:31]:
We already talked about the core values. Like, you create a spending plan around your core values, and then you also want to understand your weakness. We all have weaknesses, and we don't want to be shy about that, because when we're shy about our weaknesses, that's when it actually diminishes our self-esteem. I am okay with talking about my weaknesses, and when I do that, it takes away the fear of who I am as a human being, and it builds up my self-esteem. Understanding your weakness, too. It's your purpose, which are your passions, right? We all have that purpose and passion. Like, if you never to make another dollar again, what would that look like? And understand the vision, the goal, the core values, the strengths, and the weakness. And if you put all of those together on one sheet of paper, you'll see a lot of things that pop out at you of, ooh, how should I really be spending my time? And that's how you get to your passion and your purpose.
Dawn Dahlby [00:29:28]:
It's like it starts to become really authentic and real, and it helps you with clarity and decision making, because throughout our life, as we continue to grow, we are always going to be crossed with a new decision. Should I go left or should I go right? What should I do? Do I get in this relationship? Do I not? Do I spend money here? Do I not? And if you go back to owning your worth and those six core elements, that's when it's like, oh, this tells me exactly what I need to do. And that's how you get excited about living your true, authentic self.
Erica Bennett [00:30:00]:
Yeah. Because, again, time is the only limited resource. So many people - if only I had more time in my day, in my week, I could get so much more done. The things stay on the wish list, the to do list forever, instead of just starting to do a little research to move the needle a little bit, to line up. And a lot of times, it takes going back to, where am I operating outside of that purpose? Where am I wasting my time in other areas that maybe I shouldn't be? I'm a good serial purchaser and returner. I buy it all because I get all, like, I'm finding everything, and then I get it back to the house, and I'm like, ooh, but you waste so much time. I was like, I just know I do better if I avoid the stores completely.
Erica Bennett [00:30:44]:
Because the moment I go in just for groceries, right, you leave with $50, and you needed one grocery thing. And I knew this is, one, wasting your time, and two, you're like, it is spending. Spending money that you didn't mean to spend. That was one of the biggest learnings I had out of COVID Right. When we couldn't go to the grocery store all the time, and all of a sudden, I had to get back into a full week of meal planning and plan the entire thing of what did I need in one trip? The amount of money that I saved on groceries because I wasn't just running over and picking up a few more things and a few more things and a few more impulse. Ooh, organic raspberries look delightful today.
Erica Bennett [00:31:19]:
I'm going to buy three, right? Yeah.
Dawn Dahlby [00:31:21]:
It's self-awareness. It's behavior, right? It's about being self-aware, because the only limited thing, the only thing we need to have scarcity in our mindset is time. And so many times, so many people value money over time, and it's because they don't feel like there's ever enough money, but there is. The only thing that's not enough is time. And so, we have to value our time even more importantly than our money. And when you build your financial plan in alignment with how you want to spend your time and being self-aware of those six areas, then it's like, oh, maybe I don't need that $2 million investment portfolio, or maybe I need a $5 million. It's not the number. It's knowing what is right for your time and how you want to spend your time.
Dawn Dahlby [00:32:06]:
Because we make up all this stuff in this thing, right? This thing between our ears. We make up all this stuff in our head. That's 80, 90% of it's just stuff that's not even real. We want to focus on the real stuff so we can spend our time fully on the things we love.
Erica Bennett [00:32:23]:
On the things we love. Because that's really why we want money, right? We want money so that we have freedom of choice so that we can. Freedom of choice we want to do.
Dawn Dahlby [00:32:29]:
And by the way, I'm sorry, but on a Sunday, I like to sit on the couch. I have a lot of energy. I like to go during the week. But Sunday I go to church, and I'm like, give me my sweats, and I want to sit here and that's okay, too. It's all about the balance and the alignment of how you choose to spend your time. And not having any guilt around whether that's going full throttle or it's sitting on the couch or it's doing the combination of both. That's how we arrive at this living wealthy, which is fulfillment and happiness and content and peace and all of the things.
Erica Bennett [00:33:03]:
Yeah, it is definitely so much more. In fact, there was a quote. The quote I pulled from your website, I teach people how to live wealthy, which results from achieving both financial and personal security that money alone can never provide.
Dawn Dahlby [00:33:17]:
So true. And I've seen it over and over in my life. I've seen it over and over in my clients’ lives. You know, money is important. We need it to survive, and we want it to experience. But if it's just money and you don't have that internal personal security, you don't have anything. You have nothing.
Erica Bennett [00:33:36]:
Yeah. That's why we can have so many different tactics to save money, to change your spending, to create a better budget. We keep reinventing that wheel, right, because we got to get to the driver. The mindset of it, the values, the purpose. Why are you spending things? Is it an emotional purpose or is there a reason behind it?
Dawn Dahlby [00:33:54]:
Absolutely.
Erica Bennett [00:33:54]:
So, as you guys think through this episode, take away not only the mindset pieces. You got a lot of great activities that Dawn has shared, but also start to move the marker a little bit in the actual finances. Right. It's about moving a little bit of both each time. What would you say to somebody who is just starting out on this? They know they want to make a change. They know they're not in the best mindset or financial spot that they want to be.
Erica Bennett [00:34:22]:
What are, like, three easy things they could go start doing now to just start to change those behaviors a little bit.
Dawn Dahlby [00:34:29]:
The thing that you can do right away is minimize that interest on your debt if you can. If you have debt, usually people that are afraid to start is because they don't want to face their spending. It's about facing that spending plan and looking at the debt, looking at the income coming in, looking at your expenses. I will tell you, facing your spending plan is, like one of the hardest things you'll do and one of the most rewarding things you'll do. It's horrible to go through it. Like, you're pulling your bank statements, you're pulling your credit card statements, you're figuring out the money coming in and going out, and all of the things and it takes three to 4 hours to do if you do it right, and it sucks. But what happens is when you go through that process once and then you tweak it maybe twice a year or even once a year, and you fully understand what's coming in and going out. I'm telling you, it just releases all of the things, all of the negative relationship and emotions you have with money.
Dawn Dahlby [00:35:30]:
The spending plan, fully understanding that is the first thing and how that's related to your debt and the money coming in and out your cash flow, that's the first thing. The second thing would be to automatically save your money. So many times, people feel like, I can't afford to save. I've never had anyone come to me after they've committed a percentage of their gross income into a retirement plan. No one has ever come to me and said, oh, I can't afford that now. It's like, you know why they don’t, because they are actually saving tax dollars. And they realize that when they move some stuff around, all of a sudden, they have this extra money to save and they don't ever miss it. Work on your spending plan.
Dawn Dahlby [00:36:09]:
Everyone can do that from their home. Doesn't cost you any money to work on your spending plan. Commit a percentage of your money to your future. And I would say the third thing is, I believe we don't really have a spending issue, but we have an income earning issue in the United States. I would really invest some of your money in personal growth and personal mindset and connect and be in a community with people that are going to challenge your thinking. And when you invest in yourself, that is the best asset you can invest in because you are an income money making machine and you're only limited from your thinking about yourself. And so being really smart about being in community, you can come in my Facebook community, it's free. Like, come into our world where we're going to teach you and you're going to be around like-minded individuals, that you're going to be like, oh, my gosh, I never thought about that.
Dawn Dahlby [00:37:08]:
That just changed my life. It's the investing in yourself, investing in your future, and looking at that spending plan.
Erica Bennett [00:37:15]:
I love that. And I love that third one because it's the one we skip. I don't have money. I don't have enough money, right to go to therapy. I don't have enough money to get the help I need. There's lots of free resources. There's lots of paid resources. But when you surround yourself with a circle that supports and challenges you, then you start growing and moving forward.
Dawn Dahlby [00:37:34]:
When you go into the free and you start to being surrounded by these people, then all of sudden you get an idea, oh, I can make more money over here. And you start making more money. Then you get into the paid programs that are going to deliver even more and more and more. I mean, it's just phenomenal. Start free if that's where you're at and just be around these people. But it all starts from yourself.
Erica Bennett [00:37:54]:
Yes.
Dawn Dahlby [00:37:55]:
You have complete control on the decision that you are making with how you choose to spend your time and how you choose to spend your money. And you are in control of that. And once you realize you have the power to change it if you want to, it's free to start. And then it's actually free moving forward because then you start making more and that compounds and compounds and it's just a beautiful thing.
Erica Bennett [00:38:14]:
It gets to be really fun, you guys. And I'm speaking from the point of, I started in college with like a $20 automatic savings transfer every month. Start wherever you can. But yeah, the $20 in college, $20 was a lot, right?
Dawn Dahlby [00:38:29]:
Yeah, that's a lot of beer. That's a lot of beer.
Erica Bennett [00:38:31]:
That was a lot, right? But I was like, I got to set something up. And then year after year, oh, I'm not missing it. Chip away a little bit more. Move it to 50, move it to 100, move it to. Instead of once a month, twice a month, it just starts to compound so quickly. And all of a sudden you look back and you're like, wow, I really did it.
Dawn Dahlby [00:38:50]:
Yeah, it's powerful for sure.
Erica Bennett [00:38:52]:
Well, thank you, dawn, for joining us, you guys. You can order Dawn's book on her website or on Amazon. I listen to it on Audible. It is all the places. We'll make sure the link is in the episode description as well as on the website at www.thecrazyexwivesclub.com. You have got to go read it. It'll walk you through how to set yourself up for success and how to start to shift that mindset around truly living a wealthy life. Thank you, Dawn, so much for joining us today.
Dawn Dahlby [00:39:19]:
Thank you.
Erica Bennett [00:39:21]:
For the listeners, we will tune in next week for another episode. And there it is, another fantastic season of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club. As always, we'll be back in a few weeks with a new season, new guests, new topics, and new stories from the other side. If there's anything you'd love to hear us address on the podcast, send us a message slide over to the DMs. Drop us an email. Just let us know what you'd like to hear. Until then, take care of yourself, and we'll be back in a few weeks. And that's it.
Erica Bennett [00:39:54]:
Another great episode of the Crazy Ex Wives Club, a podcast for women learning how to heal from their divorce. Tune in next week for more advice and tips to help you figure out life after divorce. And until then, give yourself grace. Do the best you can and know that this is all part of the process.
