S2, Eps 3: Financial Freedom with Alex Beattie of The Divorce Planner
Oct 19, 2023
In this episode of "The Crazy Ex-Wives Club," host Erica Bennett welcomes special guest Alex Beattie, a divorce coach who shares her expertise and personal experiences to guide listeners through the challenging process of divorce. Erica and Alex discuss the emotional impact of divorce on women, tackling topics such as self-worth, parenting roles, and healing.
They explore strategies for managing big emotions and channeling them into personal growth. Alex provides practical advice on navigating negotiations, considering finances, and organizing essential paperwork.
Listeners will gain valuable insights on how to take control of their future, prioritize their well-being, and empower themselves during divorce. Tune in to this enlightening conversation to find strength, support, and guidance on your own divorce journey.
See below for full transcript.
Learn more about this week's guest.
Alex Beattie at The Divorce Planner https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/
Divorce prep and planning coach Alex Beattie (The Divorce Planner) has helped thousands of people throughout the U.S. and Canada save time and money during divorce. The Divorce Planner offers one-on-one divorce prep coaching, self-guided digital divorce prep products, free divorce prep resources, and more!
Ms. Beattie has been featured in The New York Times, Real Simple, Parents Magazine, and the Divorce & Beyond Podcast.
Financial Freedom with Alex Beattie of The Divorce Planner: Full Transcripts
Erica Bennett [00:00:03]:
Hello. Welcome back to another great episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club. Today I have my guest, Alex Beattie from the divorce planner, here with me. We are here to talk about prepping and planning in all those details that we kind of like to avoid until we have to. So let's get started. Welcome, Alex. Thank you for joining me today.
Erica Bennett [00:00:30]:
I'm so excited to have you on The Crazy Ex-Wives Club. I have followed your account for a while. I love the content, the knowledge, the education you share with everybody. So I wanted to have you on live to chat through all of your expertise. So thanks for joining me.
Alex Beattie [00:00:46]:
Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for having me, Erica. I'm thrilled to be here, and thank you so much. I'm so flattered. I'm glad that my content is resonating.
Erica Bennett [00:00:54]:
Yeah, it is definitely the content. I wish I knew sooner. So you guys listening? Alex runs a great business called the divorce Planner. It is all about helping you plan for those steps. So I had her on because I think when I was thinking and prepping for our call today, Alex, I was kind of like, okay, where do we want to start this? Well, to me, the biggest thing that stands out is while when I was having to get ready to file for my divorce and finding all the financial stuff and a lot of the stuff that I just didn't have a reason to care about yet. Right. Did my corporate job send me a paperwork for some sort of an investment? Yes. Did I throw it in a folder? Yes.
Erica Bennett [00:01:40]:
Did I ever actually look at it? No. Because at that point, I was mid 30s, but the paperwork probably came late 20s. It wasn't something I had to deal with until I went to File, and then having to dig out all these details was overwhelming and at the same time, really amazing and helpful because it gave me all the info. All of a sudden, I was like, wow, you have a lot more retirement money than you thought you did. You are doing good things. So tell us a little bit about your expertise, your focus, how you really set people up for success.
Alex Beattie [00:02:21]:
Happily, and I'm glad to hear that you went through and that you actually had things in files. So I came to my work as a divorce coach who specializes in working with people who are considering a separation, going through a divorce, and I help them get organized in advance. And it's really about a mindset as well as having all the administrative stuff you need at your fingertips when you're moving forward with a divorce attorney, a mediator, or even filing on your own. Look, the truth is, like most people, I came to this having gone through my own divorce, and it was a system that I had implemented for myself, because, quite frankly, when the shit hit the fan with my marriage. I just didn't know where to put my energy. It felt like such an uncertain time. And then I realized I kind of applied this structure that I had created in other areas of my life to preparing for my divorce, to give me focus so I could actually put my energy somewhere meaningful separating the emotional side of what I was going through from the business side. And the truth of the matter is, divorce is a business dissolution, right? You're undoing a contract, there's nothing romantic about it whatsoever.
Alex Beattie [00:03:33]:
It really is to do with the law. It's all the ins and outs, and nobody is going to care about the details of your life the way you will. So being able to give people a really easy kind of format to follow, whether they want to get organized on their own, assess their finances, which is critical, because how can you negotiate anything without understanding your finances and really figuring out what your priorities are early in the process? All of those steps really set you up to make smart choices and, quite frankly, save time and money with divorce attorneys and mediators.
Erica Bennett [00:04:07]:
Yeah. And I think when we had first chatted, you had brought up that the emotional side and the business side. And I think that that's so crucial to unwind those two, because divorce, especially for women and men and women handle divorce a little differently, but for women, it is such a personal I'll use the word attack, right? It hits your self worth. It hits your, what am I doing next? It hits your security. It hits like, what have I done to create this? Or how am I going to avoid this in the future? Even when you know, right, it was nothing that you did wrong, this is really not about your worth. Lots of people go through divorce for lots of different reasons, but there is such an emotional attachment, I think, for me personally, because I had such a goal my whole life, this dream of being a mom, of having a family, of running the home. And then it felt like I failed at it. And especially as my ex and I navigated through the divorce with one lawyer.
Erica Bennett [00:05:10]:
I hired the lawyer and I brought the paperwork, and he and I negotiated all of our own terms only because I could separate the emotions from the business. And the moment the emotions got heightened, what happened? We started arguing over one of the big ones, I remember was how we split the house. What percent did he get? What percent did I get? And we started arguing, and I literally just went, I'm going to stop us now because I'm not showing up the way I want to. I'm getting emotional about this. And when you get emotional, you go for the attack and you go for the, oh, you did this to me, so I'm going to do this to you. And to be honest, it's the number side. There's just stuff you have to get through to be able to move through the emotional pieces.
Alex Beattie [00:05:58]:
I totally love you sharing that with me. Thank you. And it really is reflective of a very natural part of the process. There are a lot of triggers through the divorce process and being able to anticipate them in advance. It doesn't mean you're going to handle every situation well, but you're going to be in a position by preparing in advance to be proactive and not reactive. And so some of what I personally experienced was and what I help my clients with, is putting your focus on things that are within your control. And so when you are in a position where you know you're feeling shame or you're feeling a bit of whatever big emotions that do come up, that you're able to separate them and put them in a separate bucket from the business side of the process. And separating them is important.
Alex Beattie [00:06:49]:
And addressing them as you are kind of preparing your finances, getting all of your documents and statements organized is actually important so that you can figure out a what kind of support you need on the emotional side that should be a companion to the divorce process. Whether it's a support group or therapy or just getting out into nature, whatever it is, as well as kind of getting your ducks in a row. Because you don't want to get caught in a situation where you're fighting with your soon to be ex over some stupid lumpy couch that can be replaced, right? So by taking time, right, it's like we don't need it.
Erica Bennett [00:07:29]:
No, I'm laughing because literally last weekend I was traveling, I was talking to new person I meet and I was like, yeah, I run a divorce podcast. And she's like, oh my gosh, my brother and soon to be former sister in law are getting divorced. And she's like, literally she won't give him the TV and she wants the champagne flutes, but he won't give her those. And I'm like, oh, they're in the tit for tat stage. They'll like, oh, you hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you in something so stupid like the dividing of the assets, the things that can be replaced. But people, you hold on, right? And you hold on so tightly and you're the one that really gets hurt because it always whiplashes back into something else into some other area.
Alex Beattie [00:08:14]:
That's so true. And I actually have digital tools people can use on their own. So it's not all personal coaching with me, but part of what I offer in terms of those digital products or working with people is I want them going through and making a list of all of their assets in advance and kind of checking off each box. Is this really important to me? Am I going to anticipate that this has sentimental value to my soon to be ex. Does this have sentimental value to me? So when you kind of go through everything before starting the process again, you don't want to get hung up in all those traps, quite frankly. The last thing you want to do is to be spending your hourly rate paying a divorce attorney or mediator to squabble over something. I love to say stuff can be replaced, your sanity can't. Right? So investing in that time in advance literally is going to save you emotionally, mentally and financially.
Erica Bennett [00:09:17]:
Yeah. And I think there were two lessons I had in that. One was also make a list of all the things you take to Goodwill. Because when I got divorced that year, I went and I was like, just the standard Goodwill deduction? Yes. I go a handful of times every month because it's close by. So I'm always dropping off a trunk loan. And she's like, no, itemize it. You got divorced, you sold a 2000 square foot house and moved into 1000 sqft.
Erica Bennett [00:09:44]:
There's something there. Well, of course I didn't have it. And then bless little Facebook's heart, right? Because it reminded me of like I posted pictures of like, oh, my God, look how big this trunk load is. And I was like, oh. So I ended up having this bigger deduction because I had boatloads of stuff that I was taking over as I was downsizing that I just was ready to let go of. And the second lesson was I had packed up well, I had all the memento boxes, big tupperware, like big rubber made tubs, right? And when I moved from the big house to the townhouse, it was time to go through them. Now, those were memento boxes. I didn't have to go through prior because I had plenty of space.
Erica Bennett [00:10:26]:
Well, now I didn't. And my lesson was that I probably should have just paid for storage for a year and put them away because I went through them at a time when I was really pissed and I was fine with the divorce, but he had continued to lie that she was still in the picture. And now I had found out, like, she was moving in and I was livid, and I shredded all my old college photos. Like, oh, this is a date. We had shredded it. Shredded it. I shredded every wedding photo. Like, bless my mother's heart, she still has the big photo album I put together for everybody.
Erica Bennett [00:11:03]:
I was like, Great, please save that for my son. Because I took out an entire dumpster and it was 100% emotional. And you guys, this was way after I was done with my divorce. And I chose the divorce, and I knew what I was doing and I knew it was the right step. And yet did the emotions come and bite me in the ass? Yes, they did. So I was reactive instead of proactive, which is why it's so nice to have a person or a tool that you can follow, especially when you're moving into uncharted territory.
Alex Beattie [00:11:35]:
It's true. Like I said, it's a very uncertain time. And look, the truth of the matter is everyone gets thrown challenges in life, right? Divorce happens, people get ill, people lose their jobs, shit happens. And being able to kind of give yourself the grace and understanding when you're feeling those big feelings that you shared with us that you were going through, acknowledging them and then being able to sit with them, to work through them is really important so that they don't guide you down the line. The more we push how we're feeling down or like, I shouldn't be feeling this way because it is amicable, there is no right or wrong. Healing is not linear. You do have to go through a process and it rears its ugly head in lots of different ways that you wouldn't expect. So another part of the process I have when I'm working with clients is I like to get them focused on what they want their future to be after divorce.
Alex Beattie [00:12:31]:
I have a template that I love to use, which is to write a letter to your future self. And it really gets you to focus on figuring out who you are now, what brings you joy and what you want your life to look like after divorce. And so being able to challenge all those rather channel all those big feelings into something that is going to be beneficial to you, rather than channeling those big feelings and trying to make the other person pay or they're going to know how miserable I am because I'm going to make them miserable. I mean, doing something like that, I understand. Of course we're human. There's this instantaneous idea that we're going to get satisfaction, but it's kind of like drinking poison and then expecting the other person to die. It just doesn't work that way. You're using all that energy.
Alex Beattie [00:13:19]:
It's all flowing through you. Why not try and channel it? And I know it takes time to kind of pull away and takes practice, and that's okay. Everything takes time and practice, but that's another secret. I think it's a secret weapon, honestly, in combating those big emotional outbursts that are very natural. Something else that I share with people is anytime you are going through the process and you feel triggered by something, whether you're talking to your ex in negotiations and you're sitting at a table with an attorney or a mediator, you're just talking yourself. You do not have to give an answer. If you feel like something is triggering you, take a beat, take a breath and say, I'm going to think about that and get back to you. There is nothing urgent that needs to be addressed in the moment.
Alex Beattie [00:14:10]:
And generally when we don't think through whatever the issue is and just immediately fire something off, we don't have our best interests in mind. So I hope anybody listening, please take those things and consider them and incorporate them in your process.
Erica Bennett [00:14:27]:
Yeah, I love that, you guys, because you're in the moment, right? There's lawyers being paid for or there's a judge that's there or you're at a really big table if you're doing and you feel a lot of pressure to have to be able to make a decision in the moment. And so if you are sitting at the table right now, going through it, I would write that phrase down, right? Like, let me take that and think about it, and I'll get back to you with an answer. Make it a postit note. Make it the screen saver on your phone. Give yourself the opportunity to make the choices when you're in the right mindset so you're not reacting to something that you later wouldn't have done right. And again. That's why it's The Crazy Ex-Wives Club. We've all had those moments.
Erica Bennett [00:15:13]:
We have all had them. I don't hide from them. It was big, hurt, rearing its ugly head, and it was ugly in those moments. And so being able to move through that, to come back to a place of center, which is the other thing you shared that journaling, that letter to your future self. Being able to continue to come back and focus on not the pain of what somebody did to me in the past, but where do I want to go? Where do I see myself moving forward in this? Who do I want to be for my kids? A lot of it too, caught me in like, would I be proud if my kid was acting this way to somebody else? No. Okay, then that's not allowed for me to do it either. You don't get to, oh, well, they did this, they did no. If you break it down to the behaviors that you would want to teach your children, is that something you'd be proud that they're doing? And if you can't say yes, then it shouldn't be something that you're doing.
Erica Bennett [00:16:11]:
I think a lot of it's been interesting, Alex. A lot of the questions, the comments, the calls, or like, the coaching clients that have shown up since the podcast has started are all stuck in phase one. And phase one is that do I stay or do I go, right? And to be honest, I would bet this is probably the longest phase because I think people stay in the phase of indecision for years. They know it's not great, but what if it gets worse? Or, hey, it's not great, but you know what? This last month, it was okay. It was a little better, right? And then it tanks again. And so even if you're unsure whether or not you're going to move forward in divorce, having a plan, having foresight and knowing what you want or your assets listed out is still really helpful.
Alex Beattie [00:17:05]:
Yeah. No matter what, if you reconcile, if you move forward with a separation. If you move forward with a divorce, having access to all of your essential paperwork, your statements, your documents, as well as having a granular understanding of what it costs to live your life every month is invaluable to anyone. I want to jump back to what you said, which is so true. And look, most people who get to a point of divorce, statistically, if you've been in a long term marriage, it shows there's usually a two to five period towards the end of your marriage where things are not quite exactly what you would hope. That maybe you're not getting along, maybe you haven't been able, you've been drifting apart, and you're really working on it. It does take time. And everybody's story is different in terms of what led to the end of their marriage.
Alex Beattie [00:17:51]:
And most of the people I know put effort into trying to figure it out, right? So whether it is addressing an issue with your spouse, taking next steps, going to individual therapy, going to couples therapy, all those steps are important. And I also believe and advocate for start prepare. If you're starting to prepare for, we can make it. Prepare for what if we don't on the business side. And I think that there is this false narrative out there that if for some reason, if I start to kind of try and get my ducks in a row, on a more administrative, practical side, I'm somehow contributing to the end of your marriage. And you're not. You're just preparing for either. You're preparing because you are investing your energy into trying to make it work.
Alex Beattie [00:18:37]:
And you're also kind of setting yourself up that if it goes another way, you're also prepared for that. And if you reconcile having access to all that information, it's a win win no matter which way you choose to look at it. It also will kind of be able to target a lot of fears that come up in this process. When you're not sure which way your marriage is going to go, big ideas come up of where am I going to live? We have two incomes or we have one income. What does my life look like after that? Wait a minute. Maybe I put my career on hold because I had to raise children. I've missed out on earnings, I've missed out on retirement. How am I going to make up for that loss after? And you can't, which is why you need to be clear eyed and prepared in advance of your negotiation and take all of those things into account.
Alex Beattie [00:19:30]:
I have a blog on my website, thedivorceplanner.net, that is filled with all the things that people should be taking into consideration, specifically women, as they take their next steps. And retirement is one of my big things. There's a huge difference between a dollar in a savings account and a dollar in a retirement account and so many other details and nuances that look, you have to kind of keep your eyes wide open through the process.
Erica Bennett [00:19:56]:
Yeah. And whether or not just hearing all these pieces, whether or not you're divorced, having financial awareness, go to the blog, read all the pieces, and say, hey, I'm single or I'm dating or I'm married or whatever. Do I have all these buckets? Like, have I set myself up for a future in terms of financial freedom?
Alex Beattie [00:20:20]:
Yeah. Even if you're married and you are enjoying a good point in your marriage, it's still important to have these conversations of, let's check in. What are our roles and expectations? What are we working towards? What am I feeling a lack of for myself? What are you feeling a lack of? There's nothing wrong with that. It benefits everybody.
Erica Bennett [00:20:45]:
Yeah. And that was definitely a gap that we had. We didn't choose to join all of our accounts because we're both working. We both were paying for our own car. So we're just like, great, everybody keep all your own accounts, and then we'll just divide and conquer the bills as they come in. I took the mortgage and Daycare, he took all the credit card and the taxes or whatnot, but it just kind of was like a bill would come in, and we'd decide who was grabbing it. And we had always talked about, okay, great. You're saving for the retirement.
Erica Bennett [00:21:17]:
I'm paying for living right now. Well, then you go to get divorced, and you're like, Shit, this was not a good plan. One, we had never talked about it, and I had no idea that he was actually pulling and spending out of that retirement account because he was unhappy, too. Right. Like, I didn't realize that my credit card spending was out of control because I was unhappy. And so having those conversations, but we didn't have a framework. Right. We're late 20s when we got married, we didn't have finances and retirements and other things to talk about, and we didn't have somebody leading the way.
Erica Bennett [00:21:52]:
So being able to have those conversations and the clarity of, like, are we still on the same page? Is really helpful.
Alex Beattie [00:21:59]:
Yeah. And there's so many things that can lead to you coming to the decision that divorce is the right next step for you. And I think it's also really common because it is an overwhelming time. A lot of people just want to bury their head in the sand at that point in time, and I'm always screaming, don't do it. It's a trap. You really have to kind of be your own best advocate initially, because, like I said, nobody cares about the details of your life like you do. And I know that it's sad and it's overwhelming. Even in the most amicable of situations, divorce still sucks.
Alex Beattie [00:22:34]:
It just is. It's not a fun process. Anything to do with the law sucks. So that doesn't mean you need to go to law school and get a degree to get a divorce. You don't. You just need to be on top of all the details of your life. Because if you feel like things aren't being brought up in your divorce negotiation but you've done the pre planning, you get to ask those questions. If you feel know things details are being missed or don't, don't expect anybody else to speak up other than you don't think somebody else is going to catch it.
Alex Beattie [00:23:09]:
You have to catch it. You really have to be aware and present.
Erica Bennett [00:23:12]:
Yeah. And that there was a conversation going on online in know, Facebook group in town and it was so sad to read because it was about getting divorced and this woman was, you know, need to find somebody because this is just being dictated to me. This is just done and in the comments because I was like, well, no, that's time out. That is not how it happens. Even if you're not working, you still have rights that you can still fight for. You've got kids because she's like, oh, my gosh, I'm going to lose my house. I don't work. I have two kids.
Erica Bennett [00:23:45]:
I can't afford to live in the area. And the people that jumped onto my comment to be like, no, that's how it is. It was dictated to me. I was told that this is what it is. And definitely there was a theme about the women who stayed home that they just had to sign it. They just had to agree to it. And I was like, that is not how it should be. And I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Erica Bennett [00:24:09]:
And so this is a great know, Alex is a perfect example of it doesn't necessarily mean you have to hire a lawyer. It just means you have to be.
Alex Beattie [00:24:20]:
Have I'm so sorry, Erica. And do not sign anything without having a legal professional look at never ever. If you tell me, oh, my God, I don't even have a budget to get a Coca Cola this week, go to your local library, talk to the librarian, say, I need low or no income divorce attorney or resources, they will give it to you. There are options there. Erica, you're bringing up a subject that is really near and dear to my heart. My clients and people online who have interacted with my content, specifically stay at home parents, stay at home moms have been brainwashed in a way of like, oh, but you're writing on my coattails because I actually bring in the money. Look, if you actually did a breakdown of all of the work a stay at home parent does and I know that there are men that stay at home, and I respect that majority of people who stay at home are women and we are financially penalized for that. In terms of the big picture, if you broke down all of the areas of work that we do, you'd be making well over $100,000 a year.
Alex Beattie [00:25:24]:
So think of that as saving that money. Because I've had a lot of clients also who didn't end up going back to work because once they realized that they would be paid the exact amount it would take to have childcare, it was like, what am I working for? Then? It doesn't make any sense. So please, if you are a stay at home mom, don't sign anything. You don't have to agree to anything. You do have rights. There are resources like the divorce planner for you. Like I said, if you have zero budget, go to my blog. Go to my blog, look at my social media.
Alex Beattie [00:25:57]:
I walk you through everything to do you have a limited budget, look at the digital tools. You want to work with me? You want a consultation? Great. Do all of it. Just do everything that I share on social media. Look, Erica, the reason I created the Divorce Planner is because when I was going through my split a couple of years ago, the divorce landscape on social media has changed dramatically. And I'm so honored to be a part of that process and to be able to share my knowledge with other people because that's not what it was when I was going through it. I remember sitting and googling, cool mom divorce. I was like, please, what is out there? Everything was like attorneys.
Alex Beattie [00:26:38]:
It was like reading routing instructions. I just didn't get it. And I was like, you know, I'm going to apply what I usually my skill set to this and share it with as many people as possible. My passion is really working with women. Unfortunately, statistically, 27% of women fall into poverty after divorce if they're not prepared. 27%. And we don't make up for that lost income. If you've stepped away from the workplace during your marriage, whether that was three years, five years, 20 years, you can't make up for it.
Alex Beattie [00:27:10]:
So I love grabbing people as early as possible in the process to empower them as they move through what's next.
Erica Bennett [00:27:17]:
Yeah. And that brings me to the other topic that I'm sure you guys listening were like, erica, should you really think about the option of if we have to split this, isn't that the opposite of manifesting your future? Right? And so I'm a big fan of manifesting, of consciously creating, of focusing on what you want. But the reality is that if there's an elephant in the room and that is you are scared to death to leave because you don't know what the numbers look like. You're manifesting that too when you're sitting there and you're like, okay, well, I'm so afraid to figure out where am I going to live. That is weighing heavy on you and your ability to focus on what you really want. So do the research. Put the plan together and then just set it aside, put it in a folder. The point of doing.
Erica Bennett [00:28:09]:
It. And the point of being aware means that it removes that fear, uncertainty, the attack of your security, because that's what it's pressing on. You are sitting there so afraid that your lifestyle, your life, your home, all of that will go away if you choose to move forward. And so when you do the work to separate the business part out, to look at the assets, to figure out where the money lives, to be educated on what there really is to divide, to split, to discuss who gets to keep, then you don't have to worry about it. Now, I'd say 25%, but it's probably more like 60% of your worry is like, where am I going to be in the future? Where's my security? When you've got that on a plan and you've followed the checklist or you've worked with Alex directly, now all that energy, all that focus can be spent on the other pieces, on the energy, on the emotional healing, on the communication skills that it's going to take. And to be honest, to save your marriage, it takes communication skills. And if you can't talk about the money and how things would be split, if it doesn't work, how are you going to talk about saving it? Because if you're not talking about the real things, then you're still avoiding the conversation and you're staying just out of fear that I don't know how I'm going to live. And what Alex just shared is a lot of women are, I'm going to say suffering after divorce, right? It is hard.
Erica Bennett [00:29:39]:
It is a penalty. I'll even say for myself after leaving my corporate job and starting my business, that first year was a shift. I was like, good Lord, if I really wanted to, I could take my ex back to court and be like, we need to relook at this. You've gotten three promotions and I'm on a baby business of the first year. So everything changes. But being aware, having your plan, knowing what you can pull from what you're going to live off of, where everything's coming from, helps you not worry about it, helps you be able to make the decision then based on facts instead of fear.
Alex Beattie [00:30:17]:
I don't know who's going to listen to this and who's going to watch it, but whoever is listening, people who are watching this are going to like the whole time she was just talking, I was nodding my head like my head was going to fall off my neck. Like 100% agree with you. That fear that comes up when we don't address it, it just creates more anxiety. What is the antidote?
Erica Bennett [00:30:37]:
Facts.
Alex Beattie [00:30:38]:
Facts are the antidote. So when you are stressed out because you don't know how you're going to live, maybe you have been a little sloppy with taking care of the finances and your budget. Maybe your spouse is the one who takes care of it and you're completely in the dark. Start now. I have a monthly budget calculator that's on my website that you can use. It prompts you, it tells you every possible category, and it does the math for you. Erica I never want anyone to feel that it's the easiest thing that I can empower people to do, is to crunch those numbers and the amount of stress it alleviates for that person, you'll never be in the dark again. That's a solvable problem, right? And so when those big fears and anxiety come up, whether you're in the kind of limbo period of your marriage and you're trying to figure it out, whether you've just discussed a separation or a divorce or your spouse just sprung it on you.
Alex Beattie [00:31:31]:
There are practical things you can do to be able to address those fears that come up in a way that sets you up to navigate the changes, so that whatever happens on the other side. Look, the finances are going to change. You can anticipate it and you can make whatever big adjustments need to happen in anticipation rather than as a reaction. And when you are in the position to be aware, moving through the process, having access to all of your finances, knowing what it costs to live your life, understanding where the budget is going to get cut, adjusting for that, moving forward, then all on the other side. The sacrifices you have to make. You have a plan. It's not going to be long term. Then you'll think to yourself, okay, well, this is what I need.
Alex Beattie [00:32:20]:
Here's where the budget shortfall is going to be, if there is one, I can anticipate that so I don't put myself in hole on the other side. Another thing you brought up, which is so true, which is another big trigger, is the family home, right? Like, where am I going to live? There's so much. If you've been in a place for a long time, if you're raising children there, there are also practical reasons that you're like. But the school district or the doctors or the commute to work, whatever it is, guess what it's all linked to? Also crunching the numbers of your life.
Erica Bennett [00:32:49]:
Why?
Alex Beattie [00:32:50]:
Because you want to make sure if you are set on keeping that property, that you can afford to do it. The last thing you want to do is to be able to negotiate that you're keeping where you're living, have a divorce, go through it, only to find out, holy shit, I can't afford this and now I'm going into debt. Don't start your new chapter in debt. Please don't. I'm sorry. I'm going to say it again. On the blog, there's a post, four Questions to Ask yourself if you want to keep the family home, please go read it. Make sure that you're addressing all those things again.
Alex Beattie [00:33:24]:
Erica I love this work so much and I love being able to share and get kind of all the information out there to make other people's journey through this, easier to let them know they're not alone. So thank you for letting me talk about it today.
Erica Bennett [00:33:40]:
Yeah, it was my pleasure. So, you guys, thank you for joining us today. What I would want to say is, no matter who you are, you're single, you're divorced, you're contemplating divorce. You're happily partnered. Knowing your finances is going to help you out, especially right now. I mean, I think about right now, the changes know, interest rates and the price. Like, if I had to buy a place right now versus the seven years ago when I did it, it'd be a very different landscape and a very different conversation. And so take a look.
Erica Bennett [00:34:17]:
Hop over to Alex's website, to the blog, to her social account, check out the resources. No matter what your divorce status is, start to get aware, especially if you're at the place where you're contemplating, is this what I want for my life? Okay, well, what does your finances look like? You might need some time to get your finances lined up to be able to make the decision of whether or not and just like when we started this call, you're probably doing some therapy, maybe by yourself, maybe couples therapy. All right, this is your money therapy. This is your money homework that you need to go start making the choices now. I had to drastically change my emotional shopping that I was doing. I had to stop dropping it in the cart the moment I got bored or anxious. I had to stop going to prime and Amazon two day shipping crap to my front door. That had to stop.
Erica Bennett [00:35:10]:
Right. When I went to look at what I was doing for a car, I knew what my budget was, how much cash was going down or not. I created a game that I paid myself into my savings every single month. And how big could that game get, right? Can I increase it by $10? Increase it by $20. There are little steps you're going to start now that make a big difference when you get to the place of your life, of deciding what you're doing. And I even think about it's so interesting because as I'm sitting in a place of I'm single, but in partnership, if we start talking about what does the next phase look like, guess what conversations we're having? Where is the money live? Who's buying the house? Is one person buying it and one person paying rent? How are they getting equity out of that investment? It's the same conversations. It is anytime you're looking at co creating or you're working on doing it yourself. Money is at the heart of it.
Erica Bennett [00:36:11]:
And not because money is like the savior for everything. But the reality is that we live in a society where money is needed. We don't live off the grid. You're not growing all your own food and cattle and whatever else on your own farm that's paid for the reality is we live in a world of credit cards and we live in a world of loans and debts. And so you've got to understand how that money flows in and out of your household so that you can understand how it needs to flow for your future. Alex has a lot of great money, resources, support. I really wanted to bring Alex on because, again, you guys, it's not just about the facts. So often you go meet with a CPA, an accountant or whatever, and it's so number driven because that's their business and their reality.
Erica Bennett [00:36:59]:
But divorce is so heart driven and so it's finding that place, finding the support for you to separate the emotions from the business, to have access to the education you need. Alex is a great resource to help you out with that. Thank you so much for joining us today. This was a really great call. And for the rest of you listening, we'll see you next week for another great episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club.
